Hi, honey.
Smells good.
- Can I have... - Don't, don't!
Come in here and gather around!
- I must show you something! - My new car?
Keep dreaming.
Here, eat these.
- They're chocolate chip. - They're delicious.
They're 4 years old.
Anyone for milk?
8 years old.
It's my long-life food preservative. It's been approved!
I got my big bonus!
- Congratulations. - Isn't it great?
And...
...that's not all.
Mr. Shirley thinks a guy like...
...Clark Griswold deserves days off.
And Clark Griswold thinks he should take those days off and...
...take his family on a fabulous vacation to...
...fantastic Las Vegas!
There's nothing to do there.
Clark, I don't think that Las Vegas is the kind of place you take a family.
Oh, come on.
Las Vegas has changed, Ellen.
It's the No 1 family destination in America.
I'm not going. The people there are so phony.
Is there legalized prostitution?
Not within the city limits.
But there is...
...first-class entertainment, beautiful scenery...
...and all the shrimp cocktail you can eat.
Listen, everybody...
...how many more chances will we get to do something as a family?
Ellen and I are always working.
And you guys are growing up so fast I hardly recognize you anymore.
Okay. There's one more reason why you should all go.
I'm remarrying your mom...
...if she'll have me.
Really, Sparky?
What do you say? My 20th anniversary. I could use a best man.
Have a bridesmaid in mind?
- How about Audrey? - Audrey who?
Dad!
What do you say? Let's do it!
I think this is going to be the greatest vacation ever.
You know you look really beautiful right now?
You know, honey...
...the guys at work tell me there's this club we can join if we...
...meet in the bathroom.
Clark, are you serious?
You love me, don't you?
I do, but here?
Now?
We've been married 20 years.
How do we do it?
Go first, I'll be behind you.
Are you okay? You look red.
Just going to the restroom.
Excuse me.
Where're you going?
Your mother's got something in her eye. I'm going to...
...help her get it out.
Maybe we should...
...join...
...some other kind of club.
I just want time with you.
I just think there's...
...a better time... - This will be our best one.
Foot, foot!
I got it. I got it.
I'll never fly again.
The pilot was helpful.
The whole plane applauded.
You two use these bathrooms, we'll wait.
Is this ours?
We're the Griswolds.
Sorry, my pen burst in the altitude.
- I'm sorry. - No problem.
Come this way, please.
This is it. This is it.
Look at this.
Wayne Newton.
It's beautiful!
You must see this.
Daddy!
Help!
I'm stuck!
Vegas, Vegas, Vegas.
Look! I think you'll want to see this!
Is this it?
Welcome to the fabulous Mirage.
Don't worry, it won't leave a permanent line.
Come on, there's a lot to do.
There's a lot to do.
Welcome. Your credit card.
Yes, indeed.
Griswold, four.
We have an excellent dry-cleaning service.
It's a birthmark.
To get to your room, go through the casino, veer to the left.
Take a right at the first palm tree. You'll see a group of blackjack tables.
Not baccarat, not craps. Blackjack.
Turn right and wind around left.
If you get to the pool, you've gone too far.
You'll see elevators. They aren't yours, stay away from them.
Keep walking, you'll see more elevators, the gold ones.
Those are yours. Go to the 10th floor.
You'll find your room.
Any questions?
No, not really.
Russ!
Did you get that?
Well, let's go then. Thanks.
Good luck!
What's this?
Look at these people. Blinded by glitter and the mighty dollar.
The elevators are there.
Hold on, honey.
They always put the machines that pay the most in front.
$5?
Here we go!
You see, Las Vegas is already bringing us closer together.
Let's go to the room.
Honey, call up the kids.
See how they like this.
Rusty and Audrey Griswold, please.
We're right next door. Can't we get our own rooms?
Please don't spoil your daddy's fun.
Dad, we're too old for this.
Sit down.
Kids...
...remember when you were babies?
It was a wonderful time.
We had your cribs right in our room.
We'd wrap you up in little blankets.
And roll you back and forth across the bed into each other.
Those days...
...they're almost over.
So...
To close out that one chapter, I got tickets to Siegfried and Roy.
Best show on the planet.
Masters of the impossible.
We're going because we're the Griswolds!
Can't you just wrap me up in a blanket and roll me across the bed?
No, Russ. Get dressed.
Want to try some blackjack?
What do you know about blackjack, Clark?
You forget I was in the army.
You weren't in the army.
Not in the army, but I have played cards with men in uniform.
Just don't want you to lose all your money.
When a man can come to Las Vegas with a few extra bucks in his pocket...
...throw a ten-spot down on a table...
...pay an extra dollar for a steak with his eggs...
...that's a happy day for that man.
When his woman is at his side...
Is that Wayne Newton?
Why, you want his autograph?
I think he's staring at me.
No, no, no. I must be tired.
Maybe I'll go find the kids.
I think they want a little time away from Mama and Papa Bear.
Let's let them get in trouble.
- I'm asking for five bucks! - What if you win?
You're boring to travel with.
Fine, you want five bucks? Here, you're a big man. Here's the five bucks.
Get a wallet.
- Hi. - Good evening.
Would the two of you have any ID?
We left our IDs upstairs, actually. We're on our honeymoon.
Wait here for 2 minutes. I'll go upstairs and get the ID.
I'll be right back.
My friend...
...$200 in chips.
Good evening. Changing 200!
In blackjack, a smart player has a mathematical advantage over the house.
Are you a professional?
Me? No, not really.
Are you?
Place your bet, sir.
Yes, the bet.
What the hell.
- Hit me. - It's a bust!
Fun Police. Hand over your chips.
Eddie?
Twenty-two.
Player busts.
Oh, man, it is a blazer out there.
You're lucky you got air conditioning in here like mother nature intended.
Clark Griswold, did you think you could come to Las Vegas...
...and not see your favorite cousin?
Your bet.
There.
Why're you in Las Vegas?
Where else can you wear shorts 24 hours a day?
I am on fire!
What?
Shuffling!
Here's the best part.
Thanks to my defective plate...
...the VA gave me a huge plot of land just north of town.
Every time I belch, the plate shifts and my legs give out.
But what a view!
Nineteen.
Twenty!
Oh, he's good!
He's good!
- Another 100 in chips, please. - Changing 100!
That's it, Clark.
Show them who's boss.
It's people who blow the family nest egg here that built this town.
Not this pretty boy.
Oh, gee!
I can't believe it.
I've lost $300 in 15 minutes?
I'm okay. I'm okay.
You're kind.
What a great audience.
Yeah, always.
Terrific!
Where do you come from?
Me? Chicago, Illinois.
- Fantastic. - Chicago!
Why don't you come on stage?
Come on, it'll be fun.
- Go on! - Yeah, Dad, do it!
Okay, I'll play along.
Applaud!
Good to have you.
What's your name?
Clark Griswold.
Marvelous!
Let's do some real magic.
Listen, I know the routine.
What's it going to be tonight? Wires? Mirrors? Trap doors?
I happen to know a little magic myself.
I don't know if you've seen this.
Can you tell it's my thumb?
Looks like it is, but it's not.
Whatever, I'll do what you want.
I'm here to help.
Enter.
Okay, I know this one.
- Trust me. - All right, I will.
Is this going up? I'll go with it.
Me.
Where's Dad?
I haven't got a clue.
It's my husband.
How'd you do at the tables?
I'm about even.
Why'd you tell Eddie we were here?
Oh, come on. How often do I get to see my cousin Catherine?
Anyway, we're just stopping by for lunch.
I want to gamble.
Russell...
...I never want to hear you say that again.
Gambling is a very serious business.
Is that clear?
Excuse me a minute.
Fifty on black.
No more bets.
Red 25! Red wins!
Jeez!
Shall we?
Remember me?
Yes.
Love you.
Your baby?
Are you watching for an address?
What block is this?
Very funny, Russ.
Will you check the map again?
Could that be it?
Eddie said there was room for a pool.
Get out the sunscreen.
Cousins!
What do you think?
Can you believe they tested H-bombs on this beautiful property?
I missed you so much.
Don't you worry about radiation?
All I know is my teeth have never been whiter...
...and my garden has 50-pound tomatoes.
Denny-boy, come on over here!
Look at that view.
It's government property around us, so no one will build.
Look at this one.
They grow up so fast.
I tell him he'll pierce himself shut one day...
...but what can you do?
He likes eating through a straw.
They must make their own mistakes.
Does that hurt?
It's not bad.
Who's hungry?
Need help with the grill?
No, thanks. Don't have one.
I'll get the tongs.
Renewing your wedding vows?
Oh, that's so wonderful.
I wish Eddie and I had time for that sort of thing.
But with the constant windstorms...
...and flash floods...
...oppressive heat and...
...home schooling...
...we don't have a minute free.
Can you hand me that mitt?
I love the kitchenette.
Oh, thanks.
Listen, things could be a lot worse.
Yeah, you could be pregnant again.
I've been...
...earning money testing fertility drugs.
This one's going to be a winner.
Everyone loves a baby.
Yeah, life is good.
My kids are thriving.
Little Ruby Sue must have grown a foot since you saw her last.
Daddy, I caught another snake.
That's good, sweetheart.
Put it in the pit with the others.
And go work on your typing.
Nice kids.
Don't ever pick me up again...
...jerk!
Look who's home!
This one here's my pride and joy.
Lord is my witness, I hate this heat!
If it ain't gluing your butt to a seat it's making you sweat like an animal!
And I want something better!
Hey, everybody.
You remember Vickie?
She's a dancer now.
Her picture's everywhere.
Phone booths, men's rooms...
She's famous.
Show them that little move I taught you there.
Don't think unnatural thoughts about your cousin.
She's got her mama's looks and her daddy's sense of balance.
Hose down, kids! Chicken's almost ready!
My chicken's dry as hell.
Mine's dry as hell, too.
If you want to be with me tonight, I'll give you my beeper number.
Really? That'd be great.
If you're still hungry, I can get the salad from the dog.
As appealing as that sounds, we really must go.
We have a lot of sightseeing to do and I added tetanus shot to the list.
Sorry about the tablecloth. Rusty's never had that reaction to poultry.
He ain't used to home cooking.
Are you?
He's sick.
Anyway...
He'll be okay.
I wish you two could come...
...but no room for the kids, so thanks for lunch, and bye.
Not so fast, Clark.
I'll get the baby-sitter.
Hey, kids...
...round-up time!
They'll keep busy.
Where are we going?
Hoover Dam!
Over 1,000 feet wide and 727 feet to the bottom.
Where can I buy bait?
I love electricity. Eddie says we'll get some soon.
What a magnificent achievement.
This is a family vacation. Try to stay with the family.
Sorry, honey.
This way, please. The tour is about to start.
Welcome, everyone.
I am your dam guide, Arnie.
I'm about to take you through a fully functioning power plant.
So please...
...no one wander off the dam tour.
Please, take all the dam pictures you want.
Now, any dam questions?
Where can I get some dam bait?!
This way, please.
What'd he say?
This way.
Don't worry about water leaking through the rocks. It's normal.
Please, keep up with the tour.
This is one of the oldest dam tunnels we have.
Come here!
Give me your gum.
From my mouth?
Any gum! Look what's happening here!
- Here. - I'll catch up.
Damn it.
Where is the damn dam tour?
Oh, boy. Oh, boy.
And there are over 100 million tons of cement in these walls.
Hello. Hello.
Help!
It's not that high.
Okay, here we go.
Let's see if I've still got it.
Nice breeze up here.
That's how a power plant works.
How?
This tour gets better every week.
Fishing's been better.
Remember when I had that puffer fish?
Just like in gym.
One hand at a time.
Ellen!
What's that?
"Oh, beautiful, for spacious skies
"For amber waves of..."
Oh, my God!
Sorry, honey, I'll be right up.
This is steep.
Here we go.
Need help?
No, I got it.
That's a workout there, isn't it? Climbed all the way up.
I almost lost my tag.
Drinks at the snacketeria, on me.
I've noticed you're taking more of an interest in the fairer sex.
There's something your old dad would like to say.
You see...
...there comes a time...
...in every young man's life when he enters...
...the fragrant garden of beautiful flowers.
And he wants to enter that garden with a knowledge and...
...a mulch...
...to let the flowers bloom more brightly, rather than...
Dad.
What?
If this is about sex, I already know.
You do?
Good talk, son.
So what's it going to be tonight? "The Amazing Elvis"?
"Liberace on Ice"?
Clark, I don't know. It's been such a long day.
At Hoover Dam the water level dropped four feet from a flood.
Thank you.
Look at this.
Four tickets to Wayne Newton.
Wayne Newton?!
Wayne Newton?
That's Las Vegas, they never stop giving!
Hi, for Ellen Griswold?
I'm Mr. Ellen Griswold.
"Please wear this tonight.
"A friend."
Who's it from?
I don't know.
But it's beautiful.
They really know how to treat their high rollers around here.
Okay, kids...
...inspection in five minutes.
You heard him! Move it!
Wayne Newton just happens to be one of America's greatest entertainers.
He has an effect on women.
Yes, Griswold, Griswold. Right this way, sir.
Here...
...make the seats good.
No gratuity is necessary, sir.
- No, really. Keep it. - Follow me.
We're in the front row.
I tipped him.
"A man knows a moment
"One wonderful moment
"When fate takes his hand"
What energy!
"My once in a lifetime"
Thank you.
You're a magical group of people.
And, Greg...
Give me some birds. Let me hear birds.
"Yes, loving you
"Is easy 'cause you're beautiful
"Making love to you
"Is all I want
"To do
"Yes, loving you
"Has made my life so beautiful
"And every time that we
"I'm full of loving...?"
Mrs. Ellen Griswold.
Ellen, huh?
Holy crap, Wayne Newton's hitting on Mom.
It's all part of the act.
Now you.
"No one else"
I think we know who sent the dress.
"The colors that you bring"
You're lucky.
I've been to every Wayne show for the last 15 years.
I've never seen him do anything like this.
"Each day in springtime"
I'm just saying I've never heard you hit those notes before.
Don't worry.
You have nothing to fear from Wayne Newton. He's...
...unattainable.
Did you see him staring at...
Watch your mouth.
I think I'll go upstairs and take a bath.
Not me.
Anyone for craps?
We're too young.
I was once too young.
Here.
Take 20 bucks.
If you need me...
...l'll be rolling the dice.
Have fun, kids.
- Have a nice night. - See you later.
Daddy wants a seven! Let's go, seven!
Seven! A winner!
Place your bets. Lucky roller coming out.
Place your bets.
Let go of me! Let go of me!
There he is. Clark!
See, I told you.
Look out, don't hurt me now.
Nice place for a pearl necklace.
Do you know this person?
Hi, Clark Griswold. Nice to meet you.
Have you ever swam with dolphins?
Them things is hard to catch.
Twelve. Craps. A loser.
Has anyone ever told you before...
...you're bad luck?
Those were my mother's dying words.
But when you got your body covered in third-degree burns...
...and your foot's in a bear trap, you start talking crazy.
I've run out of money. Do you cash checks?
Only if you're staying at the hotel.
Indeed I am.
Here we are.
No problem.
Good luck.
Look, Clark, if you're...
...thinking about buying me a Cadillac, forget it.
I won't take it.
I'm just trying to get even.
Now where can I do the most damage?
"Come fly with me
"Let's fly"
Shrimp cocktail, 29 cents.
"If you can use some exotic boo"
Fake IDs.
How'd you know?
When I was your age I needed a water cannon to keep me away...
...from the girls.
Ten bucks. Ten! Ten!
Shrimp, ladies.
I need the ten.
Here.
Have a good evening, Mr. Morris.
"That's why..."
Whatever.
- Another 21! - You nailed her there.
Let's see. House has 14, and house busts.
Oh, boy!
Wendy, you are my lucky charm.
I don't know what's wrong with me tonight.
You're rolling.
Good luck, everybody.
Good luck, everybody!
Batter up.
Big bet for a big man!
Sure you don't want to save money for the buffet?
Okay, wise guy.
Go against three hands.
This should be sweet.
Sweet for me. You're finished.
Straw.
I'm trying to concentrate.